With the birth of Larkin and the ensuing health issues, I began purging our home of unnecessary items and “stuff”. Anything that required dusting that didn’t have an emotional attachment – gone. Clothing that was hanging around waiting for me to lose 20lbs – gone. I kept Chase even though he gathers dust cause I do have the emotional part with him – although 12 is wearing me out and I am dreading 13 which he turns at the end of August.
Yesterday I ventured into the storage area of the basement. Pictures, frames, items from 3 moves and apparently every single piece of paper Chase touched from pre-school to date. I sorted through it all box by box. Memories are a powerful force. Going through pictures he drew, progress reports on how amazing it was that he could play with the pegs and arrange them just so. It made me happy to see the progress this beautiful young man is making. Larkin will have lots of progress reports as I have a file folder stuffed with them from 2.5 years of therapy. She starts school when she turns 3. Her journey will be very different from Chase’s but I will have the same items to go through. Pictures, reports and pride in her accomplishments. It’s tough on ole mom though. I have made lemonade out of lemons, added some vodka here and there 🙂 and I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Time is getting away from me and my babies are getting big. I am scared for her future – Chase will make his own path as I have supervised it and chosen it- but for L, I have to follow the one set for me by the school district, therapy, and everyone else who is smarter then I am, but most of all I am following a path that other parents cut away for me, paved with their blood, sweat and a lot of tears. Inclusion is there because of those parents and children who have gone before me. Educational plans are better because of them and my life will be somewhat easier and I am humbled because of the work they have done. Larkin will have a lot of advocates in her educational plans. I don’t doubt we will get exactly what she needs.
I got Chase’s items down to a box. In that box are memories of a marriage that produced him. Yeah I kinda wanted to burn those pictures but he deserves to know the love that brought him into this world. Letters that his grandmother has written to me for him. Notes his father wrote me and keepsakes from school. Love is in that box. I know exactly where the items are in this house that I would take if I had to leave in an hour.
Our home doesn’t have a lot of “stuff” anymore. Someone is enjoying vases, pictures, clothing and items purchased out of impulse, gifts that didn’t make sense in our life. My cleaning helper made a comment that the house is easier to manage. Yep – so is my life. Clutter inside and outside the head makes it hard to function.
If it sits too long in this house and I won’t shed more then 6 tears if it breaks – it’s gone. I don’t shop anymore except for groceries and it’s amazing how easy and calm it makes life. I don’t worry about the next big thing (except new carpet for upstairs) and I don’t feel compelled to have “stuff”. Now when I visit other people’s homes I am amazed how how much other’s have and I wonder if they really love it and care about it or if it’s just filler. My Oreo has just enough stuffing to keep my cookie sweet and I enjoy it a lot more 🙂