I love that song. Waylon Jennings sang it best but Allison Krauss does a pretty mean version too. She is from Champaign *side bar*
My girlfriends Laura and Libby tell me at least once a week – one of them – that they dreamed about Larkin. That she was walking. That she was talking to them. I dream sometimes that she is running from me. That she gives me a smile and she looks just like a typical little girl. She still has her almond shaped eyes and little button nose. But she is “whole” and I say that only because I can’t find another word that defines what I feel in my heart. I can tell in my dreams from her eyes that she doesn’t have any brain damage and that she is free. I don’t know what Larkin would look like without the features of Down syndrome and frankly I don’t want to nor do I care. Chase asked me that question one day when she was tiny. “Mom what do you think Larkin would look like if she didn’t have Down syndrome?” I took a short pause where I caught my breath and realized that I hadn’t thought about it. She is mine. She is a gift. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. God knew her when she was formed in my womb. Her bones were knitted by her Heavenly Father. I have had a visual locked deep in my thoughts since she was born. I speak of her Heavenly Father in this regard. She is in her Father’s palm. He holds her dearly, gently and He loves her. She is one of His creation and since not even a sparrow escapes God’s notice….I am pretty sure she is always under His watchful eye and care. I had a conversation with a close friend the other day about this subject. While I wish she didn’t have Down syndrome or seizures, I would never want her little face to change. How will God be able to make all things new, as he promises, without changing what she looks like. My friend replied “Amy has it ever occurred to you that she is already perfect, that she doesn’t need anything but it’s us who needs what she has?”
Sit on that one for a while. Maybe we all need that extra chromosome to make us love unconditonally, love without judgement, love without fear.
I will probably have more dreams of her talking and walking. It is the sub-conscious working overtime because we want her to progress. But during my waking hours, I will relish the remaining time where I don’t have to chase her down, lock every single door and worry about her outrunning me. Careful what we wish for and dream of, because once it’s here – this little girl of ours may be at your front door. 🙂
Our dreams speak to the hope which we hold deep within ourselves and that hope is what enables us to look to each new day with faith that all will go as God has so carefully and lovingly planned. Even and most especially when we can’t see and understand His plan.I often have said that I felt Zoey got the “triple whammy”when her stroke was discovered and then her Infantile Spasms were diagnosed.It wasn’t fair and still isn’t fair but it … is.So with each first they accomplish,with each obstacle they overcome, we are able to appreciate them all the more for they are truly perfectly made!Larkin is so perfectly made.
Thank God you didn’t mention the dreams where I am driving and remember that I left her home alone. When she talks in that one it’s something like “screw you Aunt Laura.”