Andy was really struggling the past few days about sending Larkin to school. He is so afraid that Larkin will be hurt, someone will feed her and ruin our hard work, and she has never been out of our care with “strangers” so that in and of itself is hard.
Dads are supposed to fix everything. It says so right on page 3 of the dad handbook that all doctors give parents to be when they tell you that you are having a baby.
Typical kids don’t come with an instruction book and parents have to learn this little being and write their own. Special needs kids…well you not only have to write it, you have about 3,000 people pulling you in different directions and telling you how you SHOULD do it and all 3,000 have different colors of ink. Nothing is uniform for a while. Thankfully, I have Chase.
I had been writing for 10 years when Larkin was born. I saw more of what was right vs what was wrong. I know this child will be ok and even if she isn’t OK, we will do all that we can and the rest is up to God. We are using our own ink thank you very much and while we value input and utilize every resource, it is still our responsibility.
I have had the “first day of school” jitters with Chase. Andy has not. I have had the fear of leaving a child with teachers and then realizing all is well. Andy has not. It’s always on my mind and heart that Andy has never known the true joy of childbirth. He has never known calm, easy, lazy days without fear. He carries the weight of FIXING it like a daddy should – and he can’t. My heart aches that I can’t help him with that piece of our journey.
He knows that our Heavenly Father is in charge of “fixing” but it still doesn’t ease his ache. He wants his little girl to be whole in every way. I know when he visits with his friends and sees their typical children he compares. When he comes home I see the sadness. I see his anger and rage when someone uses the R word because all he wants to do is protect his sweet innocent little girl. One day he will come to know that Larkin is Larkin. She will be all that she can be – just like all children – special needs or not.
In the meantime, Andy helps with dishes, laundry and ensures that our family is taken care of. He fills my car with gas and some mornings makes coffee. He works very hard to make a good living and I know that I am loved to the tips of my toes. He knows how to pack my bag for hospital stays with my very favorite items without any help from me. He takes Chase to school and the real kicker that I am grateful for is that he helps Chase with all math homework questions. He loves us and will move heaven and earth for his family. I would be lost without him.
There are other reasons why I am more ok with this. I have a prayer list and constant dialogue with God. Many are involved in our conversations and prayer. BUT today I am being specific because I need some prayer help. Today I am asking all of you to take a moment for the people that are on my mind so heavily.
Rich and Libby – give them strength today to get through surgery. Rich we love you and are thinking of you.
Abby – as she visits her doctor today with my little nephew growing inside her.
Laura – get well soon cause I am bored without you J
Jimmy T – all our thoughts and prayers and you fight cancer
Little Ella and her family. Always on my mind little girl and I know you are a fighter!! Keep getting stronger so mommy and daddy can bring you home.
Stacy, Spencer and little Isaac. http://sgirl79.blogspot.com/I can’t even type out a thought here because it will reduce me to tears. I am humbled by your journey and think of you all constantly.
Prayers carry us through our day. Please add your own.
First, you are one lucky gal to have such a husband…and to be “loved to the tips of your toes!”
Secondly, I have a prayer list as well…Rich and Libby are on it, Larkin is ALWAYS on it, and my adorable teenager Luke…ALWAYS at the top and the end of my prayer list. And a few added individuals inbetween.
Your ink is beautiful ink in the most unique colors that you could make! God bless you and God bless Andy. Please let him know that he is not alone and if he ever needs to be near a daddy that knows without saying anything at all that he can always count on Jake to be there, Jake and him both use their own uninque shade of colors in that daddy handbook!! I will lift you all up and the many others in my prayers as well! Take care and as always hugs from the Bates family!!
Andy is definitely not alone in his worries. Big Daddy Bill is right there with him as Em starts next Monday.
Praying for all of your friends and their needs right now.
Love to you and Larkin (and the boys, too, of course). 😉
praying for them all….
prayers for all listed and others that aren’t on your radar but ours…prayer is a wonderful tool that helps us all-you are so right! swing by our blog if you get time, I nominated yours for an award…don’t know if you do those or not but as I read your blog faithfully, it seemed appropriate.
I tagged you on my blog for random facts. Please feel free to play or pass. —Jen