Who knew

It has been shown that the most important relationship in a child’s life is the same sex parent.  Father/son or Mother/daughter. 

I don’t know about that.  Chase and I share a very different bond then he and his father.  Chase will share his deepest worries, dreams, thoughts, and boils on his butt with me.  I do mean the boil part literally.  Yeah you have a great mental picture going right now don’t you?  Chase knows that I love him unconditionally; he falls asleep with me in bed most nights watching TV and talking. 

Larkin. 

She embodies all of the fruitages of the spirit.  I am the weak one.  I am broken in spirit tonight.  I am wishing for all the things we do not have. I have been looking through pictures of the Daddy Daughter Dance – realizing I do not have any of those.  I do not have pictures from Daddy Daughter and I WANT THEM. (Insert me stamping my feet here)

The sermons keep at me with the scripture The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.  It has been a part of the readings for the past few months.  Last night when it was read again – I realized apparently I am not picking up on the NOT wanting part. 

I have been weepy all day long, looking at the pictures of little girls grinning ear to ear with their fathers.  Beautiful little dresses, bows, shoes.  I suppose it did not help that today I ordered special shoes for Larkin that will fit around her leg braces.  Although they are cute, it was one more thing that is “special” and frankly, right now I am pissed off about being special. 

Can we just be normal?

Chase and I were studying tonight for his science test tomorrow.  It is on genetics.  Yeah um, he knows that inside and out.  He knows T21, T18, and T13 etc.  As we studied, I would ask him about certain cell types and he would refer to some as normal.  “Those are normal people mom” – to which I replied with “typical is the correct verbiage Chase – no one is normal anymore and it’s hurtful to parents because it indicates that their child is abnormal if said child is different.”  But his text books all indicate “normal” BLECH

I am not sure where this post is going except that I need to write it and get it off my heart.  I need to sit in the shower and cry for a good while.  I typically ignore the Daddy Daughter because it hurts.  This year Larkin could have gone except that she has a cold, she cannot walk, she would not really get much out of the event, loud noise will only cause her to shut down, and dad – well daddy is still not comfortable yet. 

What will our “mother/daughter” relationship be?  Will it be the most important in her life?  Will she want to fall asleep talking with me and watching TV? Will we ever have a tea party?  What is to come?  Progress is being made but it is even hard to look at her Down syndrome peer group because we are so delayed. 

I cannot look at such things and typically, I do not – except on Daddy Daughter Dance weekends.  Our journey is different and so we don’t fit the mold of society.  I ache for the things lost but I need to concentrate on things hoped for.

I want to punch the persons who wrote the science book in the face. 

I’ll be better after some tears and sleep.  Both do a body good along with a glass of wine.  Thanks for letting me whine.