We’ve been quiet this week as a family. Enjoying the beach, walks, water, I read an entire book!, sleeping late, bonfires, the still of a morning without traffic, coffee and eggs, giggles and whines respectively are still with us BUT most of all…my spirit was quiet this week and I really believe that my Heavenly Father knew that I needed this. I’ve realized after almost a week of this that I move at top speed all of the time. I move. I don’t stop. I absorb – implement and move on down the road. If I stop, will I die? Will I fall apart? Will it all show up as a big fat facade and I am the biggest faker in the world? Will the tears begin and never stop?
Although the tears are here right now. I spill my guts and heart out to all of you right now. I was sort of “normal” this week. I didn’t worry about seizures, down syndrome, school registration, the women’s twin city, Larkin’s Place, the park districts, home, dogs (well maybe a little bit). I relaxed and drank some wine, gin and tonic, cooked on the grille, played with my kids, took pictures, swam, laughed and enjoyed friends from Champaign that I don’t typically see on a regular basis.
I did cry up here a little bit. After some wine one of the friends from Champaign and I were talking about how bad news at a hospital changes you. You drive home and everything has changed. The drive down Lincoln Ave is DIFFERENT. You watch cars move, people go about their day and your entire world is SHIT.
It was a good cry though. I don’t mind those. Today my babies and I enjoyed the sand, love and relaxing. I have returned emails to families dealing with seizures that need my support and experience. I have spent some time researching Larkin’s Place and setting up meetings. I also worked on my “real job” which always needs me at the end of a month. Sitting here tonight I was trying to figure out what was different. Why I was feeling the way I was. It’s melancholy because it’s been a very very very long time since I felt “normal” but this week is exactly what the doctor ordered. And I didn’t have to take or give a shot, pill or get an MRI for it. I just had to stop.