The girl goes quiet

Quiet for many reasons and I will try to write this out so that it makes sense.  Bear with my meandering soul and thoughts for a bit. 


I became very sick with a sinus infection on Mothers Day.  Thirteen played baseball in a town about 2 hours away on the Saturday prior and I sat in the sun/wind all day.  Not that it was the cause but I felt fine going and the next day it was as if someone had sucked all the life out of me.


I never got out of bed on Mothers Day or the next 2 days.  THAT is how you know a mom feels bad.  I lost my hearing and was exhausted from saying “excuse me – what?” to anyone who tried to have a conversation with me.  I didn’t answer the phone and facebook, emails, and anything that required effort or input I simply had to ignore. 


Then I would have a day where my energy level was back up and I would get out of bed and go through the motions of my day however, I paid for that burst the next 3 days.  This went on for 3 weeks and I now only feel slightly headachy, stuffy, and my teeth sort of hurt. 


Why not take an antibiotic? 


One more reason the girl went quiet.  We found out in March that we are pregnant.  There were a few complications and it was 8 weeks later that we confirmed that we are still pregnant and …. Wait for it….. wait for it…..  



Its twins.



I will not put anything into my body that would change the safe environment the babies are in therefore an antibiotic is not on my agenda.  I have been absorbing the news with all the fear a mother who walks in my shoes does.  Sonogram – schmogram – nothing is going to make me feel good until they are born on time, healthy, and my health is good.  I gave brief thought to pre-natal testing which of course made me laugh hard.  Larkin’s CVS results were wrong and any testing done I will not believe anyway.  It won’t make a difference to the outcome as I will not terminate BUT I would like to deliver and be prepared for any issues that we can.


Both babies measure perfectly and the doctors and I have had extensive conversations about my worries.  I know too much and I know exactly what can go wrong at any point be it genetic issues, cord issues, infections, and a host of other things.  In 6 months, we welcome new additions to the family.


However through a great deal of time, prayer, thought, and watching my husbands pure joy at having more children – I am calm.  Peace is reigning and I am careful not to watch the discovery channel or any birthing stories.  I do not want to hear anyone’s horror stories.  My babies will be what God intends them to be and come what may; I will step up to the plate, as He has always trusted me to do. 


Larkin is the lucky one.  She will have two siblings to push, shove, and probably fight her into further development.  L is my pure joy, love, light, and redemption.  She saved me from myself, gave me purpose, and shattered the person I used to be.  I use the word shattered because I felt like a bag of glass for a long time.  It took time, prayer, thought, and courage to rebuild and step up to that plate.  


Thirteen is tremendously excited.  I don’t think he yet really comprehends that this aint no walk in the park but he will eventually when nights become days and days become filled with laundry and crying. 


Quiet does my soul good and I have taken this time to find my footing with this particular curve ball.  Summer is in full swing with baseball at the forefront and tennis right behind.  L has been in the pool three different times and she is a force to watch in the water.


God is great always.  He has blessed me with the greatest gifts even when it doesn’t always seem like a gift or blessing but a lot of hard work.  Hard work is a good thing though.  Otherwise, I could be getting into a lot of trouble with the energy I have. 


On another note, Larkin is doing great with the diet wean.  We have not seen any signs of the dreaded “S’s” and she seems to be feeling better.  Smiles and giggles abound and her development is really improving.  One thing we know is that being in Ketosis can make you feel nauseous so perhaps she has felt that way for 2 years and now that we are increasing her carb intake, she has more energy.  As of July 1 she will be out of ketosis and we will slowly begin to let her eat an unrestricted diet but I will always keep her sugar intake in check.


She has been doing the sweetest thing lately.  She loves loves loves music and singing to her is one of the best ways to reach her.  We will lie in bed and if I begin to sing, she immediately scoots over to me and lies on my chest watching my mouth.  If we are lying in bed chillin and she wants me to sing she will reach up and with her hand pat my mouth so I will sing.  GREAT signal for what she wants huh??? 


Anyway, singing is our thing and yesterday I was in bed with her and singing with her on top of me watching my mouth when I realized the noise she was making was actually, her TRYING to speak.  She was pulling from her diaphragm with air and making deep throat noises trying to very hard to get something to come out.  She so wanted to imitate my noise.


Can you IMAGINE trying to speak and not being able to do so?  Can you IMAGINE how frustrated she must be to want to do something so badly and it just doesn’t come?  Andy came into the bedroom, I had him watch her and listen, and it was pure joy and heartache at the same time.  I wish I could reach down into her and just pull it out.  Give her the gift of the beautiful voice I know is down in my girl.


I will keep singing – even though I have a terrible voice – my girl loves it.  I dreamed last night that she spoke a sentence.  I have never dreamed that before….perhaps one day soon?  Heck, if I can show up pregnant with twins, anything is possible. 


Quiet is a thing of the past.







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18 Responses to The girl goes quiet

  1. I am so excited for you all!!! We were oh so surprised to find ourselves in the 2% club (contraceptives are only 98% effective) when we found out at 9 1/2 weeks I was pregnant with Sean. He has completed our family and he has become Sam’s biggest motivator and we have also seen a new side of Sam as protector. You are right these babies are an amazing blessing and they are going to push L in ways that no one else can. They will be her best friends, her champions and her teachers. They will all learn from each other and big brother will lead the way. Congrats to you all and keep singing… I am sure the babies like it too. 🙂

  2. Deb Nelson says:

    I am sitting in my chair quietly, tears running down my face silently, thinking of you and your little ones and mine just going off to college. My how time flies and priorities change. We had some fun back then but I wouldnt change it back for a second. We are truly blessed, sometimes ya have to look a little harder or think a little longer to see it, but its there all right. Thanks for reminding me of that. Love Ya

  3. cathy says:

    Congrats! Congrats! Congrats!! I’m so happy for you all-I know the ‘fear’ of what if and totally get ‘going quiet’ for a bit to find your center and peace with life as you (thought) you knew it going to the wayside….I can’t wait to welcome 2 new little ones into our little extended c-u family. And just in case you don’t know, Paige LOVES all kids, the smaller the better and she is always willing to give sanity breaks (Even for free just so a mom can enjoy a real shower instead of the quick dash)…Hugs and I can’t even contain the happiness that I feel for all of you 🙂

  4. mrs chicken says:

    I wondered where you went, but then a little birdie told me Friday exactly why the lights were dimmed here.

    Blessed be, Amy. And let me know if you need anything at all. You extended a hand to me last summer when I carried Henry, and I let my shyness get in the way of saying yes, please.

    So instead, I offer you my hand, whenever you might need it.


  5. Ecki says:

    Wow, Congratulations!

    I’m speechless.

  6. Dawn says:

    Wow!!! Double congrats!!! And way to go Larkin (love her name by the way)

  7. Cynthia says:

    You have NO idea how much love and joy I am sending your way. Truly. Tell me when I can do something….it would bring me great joy.

    Honestly….you bring me tears…you have NO idea how happy I am for you…..oops…maybe I said that already….

    ALL my love to you….

  8. Ami G says:

    Congratulations! I will say lots of prayers for a textbook normal pregnancy and delivery of two healthy, happy babies! Cheers to Larkin if she is trying it won’t be long before she is verbal and singing with you! Lots of love, A.

  9. Congratulations. I’m so excited for you. Twins, how fun. I’m sorry your sick though, not fun.

  10. Lindsay says:

    You’re amazing and inspiring, and I’m so happy for you, Andy, 13, and Larkin.

    But most of all, I’m happy for the soon-to-be Armstrong twins.

    As the sister of two amazing children with special needs, I can honestly say that my brother and sister have given my life purpose, balance, perspective and peace. It is true that we weathered some VERY hard times. It is also true that I would not be half as fulfilled as I am today without my beautiful siblings.

    The twins are so blessed to be coming into such a beautiful family, and clearly God felt that Larkins blessings were too great not to be further shared.

    I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know if there is ANYTHING we can do (it would truly be my pleasure).

    Love to you all.

  11. Renee Garcia says:

    Congratulations!!!!!! I am SOOOO excited for you!!!! Double the blessings – double the fun! 🙂 Prayers for a safe, easy pregnancy and healthy, happy BABIES! Larkin is going to be such a WONDERFUL big sister!

  12. Nicole says:

    I am so excited for you and your family. Double the congrats and take care of yourself!!!!

    Nicole and Ethan

  13. Mara says:

    Congratulations. This is so exciting. I understand the underlying fear–I felt it every day of the 9 months I was pregnant with shoshana. She has been nothing but a blessing since the day she was born and I know that is how your twins will be.

  14. Shell says:

    Sing, Amy! Sing!
    Psalm 13:6
    I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

  15. Lisa says:

    Oh my goodness, are you serious? Congratulations!!

    How did the fundraiser go? Are there any pendants left?

  16. veganlinda says:

    Wow!! Congratulations!!! I know Larkin will be such a wonderful big sister!

  17. Melanie says:

    Oh Ames CONGRATULATIONS!!!! What a wonderful blessing for you all! I know before Aleaya was born Marcus fell short of so many milestones. They were aproxiamatly 3 or more years apart in age but when she was born I saw the most amazing changes in marcus. They learned how to walk together and talk together and it was so amazing to see their interaction. When Aleaya started babbling in baby talk, Marcus would start to babble back and they would do head nods and smiles because even though we couldn’t understand a word they were saying…they understood what they were saying to each other and it was their special connection. This is so exciting to hear about the new additons to your family. Please take care of yourself and know that every day you are in our thoughts and prayers. I am facing some struggles here in this new community with finding services for a 12 year old with Down Syndrome. No daycare facilty takes kids over the age of 12 cause at 12 they stay home but what about those who can’t. I’m fighting, making phone calls, have been threatened that Marcus could be kicked out of his day program all because they don’t have the services to serve him…I want to scream…I’ve cried myself to sleep but I won’t give up…I will look for resources…I will look for someone who understands…I will fight fight fight for him this didn’t break me…it will only make me stronger. Hang in there and so many ((((hugs)))) to you and your family…love the Bates family

  18. Linda and Chase says:

    Congrats on the wonderful news of being pregnant…with TWINS!!!! WOW! And we are glad to hear Larkin is doing well and trying to speak. Singing is how we reach Chase, too. No matter how bad I sound, he loves to listen and to watch and to even try it himself! Larkin is sure on her way. ☺
    Take care of yourself, the twins and Larkin and Chase.

    Linda and Chase

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