How can we talk in past tense when you are so present?

Andy. He’s on our minds, hearts and in our daily tears. The tears come at unexpected moments. Telling a funny story about Andy and Helen or listening to Sara trying to hide her heartache and get through making arrangements. Listening to Becky worry about Sara and Helen and I can hear her heartache clearly. Becky loved Andy like a father and watching my two friends grieve is terrible. I can’t do anything to help except offer a shoulder and wine 🙂

I’ve had a lot of time to ponder things while sitting in the hospital with Larkin. Thinking of how incredible it is that Andy wanted Larkin’s Place to receive his memorials. Helen told me that she and Andy had discussed it at length a few weeks ago. It truly humbles me that he took time to think of such a thing. But that is who Andy was. Which brings me to my point. How can I talk about a man who is so present – in the past tense. I HATE it. I have to correct myself constantly in conversation because I feel him and think of him as if he is still here. I answer in present tense and I am almost angry that I have to go back and refer to the past.

Andy’s service will be on Friday the 30th. We will say goodbye in the traditional fashion which might make speaking in the past tense easier. It will take time. The old adage “time heals all wounds” is a lie. It’s what you do with the time that helps you heal. Working on Larkin’s Place, knowing that he knew exactly how important this facility is, will give me a constructive outlet for healing. When Larkin’s Place opens it’s doors and Sara, Helen and Becky walk in and see what Andy’s gift has given the community – it will help them heal.

Andy will be with us always. I will get used to saying was instead of is. I won’t like it but it will begin to feel less raw as I expend my energy on a project that he supported and on children he loved. If you want to give in Andy’s Memory you can so by clicking HERE. We will keep him present and grow with his help into the future.

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6 Responses to How can we talk in past tense when you are so present?

  1. Leah says:

    You will see feel in the halls, you will see him in the toys. You will see him in the art projects hanging on the walls. You will see him in the smiles, you will hear in him the laughs, you will feel his loving arms as each day comes to pass. Andy wanted to be part of Larkin’s Place, and that’s exactly where he’ll be!

  2. Don says:

    I told Sara her Father made me feel special and welcome both when he was measuring my feet for Buster Browns and when I was at his home picking up his daughter for a high school dance. Such a nice man.

  3. Beck says:

    We all have a purpose and Andy’s was to shine light on the world with his sparkle and kindness. Larkin brings the same love to the world around her and so will her place. Larkin’s Beautiful Place full of love, hope and joy.

  4. ktshea says:

    I was so pleased to find your blog when I was looking for more information about Andy. He was very special to our family, too. We are an MMO family (or have been for the past 11 years-my youngest just graduated) and Larkin’s name was familiar to me. What a great idea Larkin’s place is! How wonderful that Andy will be a part of it.

  5. ktshea says:

    Sorry, I entered my site wrong. Here’s the link to my tribute to Andy. Thought you might like it.

  6. Suzanne Cinnamon says:

    When I saw you today, I didn’t know many things that I now know. I didn’t know how sick Larkin has been, and I didn’t know the connection you had with Andy. I just found out tonight that he passed away. I was too late to attend the memorial. I, too, have wonderful memories of him through fitting me for shoes and my children. He WILL be missed. Keep in touch!

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