Who knew

It has been shown that the most important relationship in a child’s life is the same sex parent.  Father/son or Mother/daughter. 


I don’t know about that.  Chase and I share a very different bond then he and his father.  Chase will share his deepest worries, dreams, thoughts, and boils on his butt with me.  I do mean the boil part literally.  Yeah you have a great mental picture going right now don’t you?  Chase knows that I love him unconditionally; he falls asleep with me in bed most nights watching TV and talking. 




She embodies all of the fruitages of the spirit.  I am the weak one.  I am broken in spirit tonight.  I am wishing for all the things we do not have. I have been looking through pictures of the Daddy Daughter Dance – realizing I do not have any of those.  I do not have pictures from Daddy Daughter and I WANT THEM. (Insert me stamping my feet here)


The sermons keep at me with the scripture The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.  It has been a part of the readings for the past few months.  Last night when it was read again – I realized apparently I am not picking up on the NOT wanting part. 


I have been weepy all day long, looking at the pictures of little girls grinning ear to ear with their fathers.  Beautiful little dresses, bows, shoes.  I suppose it did not help that today I ordered special shoes for Larkin that will fit around her leg braces.  Although they are cute, it was one more thing that is “special” and frankly, right now I am pissed off about being special. 


Can we just be normal?


Chase and I were studying tonight for his science test tomorrow.  It is on genetics.  Yeah um, he knows that inside and out.  He knows T21, T18, and T13 etc.  As we studied, I would ask him about certain cell types and he would refer to some as normal.  “Those are normal people mom” – to which I replied with “typical is the correct verbiage Chase – no one is normal anymore and it’s hurtful to parents because it indicates that their child is abnormal if said child is different.”  But his text books all indicate “normal” BLECH


I am not sure where this post is going except that I need to write it and get it off my heart.  I need to sit in the shower and cry for a good while.  I typically ignore the Daddy Daughter because it hurts.  This year Larkin could have gone except that she has a cold, she cannot walk, she would not really get much out of the event, loud noise will only cause her to shut down, and dad – well daddy is still not comfortable yet. 


What will our “mother/daughter” relationship be?  Will it be the most important in her life?  Will she want to fall asleep talking with me and watching TV? Will we ever have a tea party?  What is to come?  Progress is being made but it is even hard to look at her Down syndrome peer group because we are so delayed. 


I cannot look at such things and typically, I do not – except on Daddy Daughter Dance weekends.  Our journey is different and so we don’t fit the mold of society.  I ache for the things lost but I need to concentrate on things hoped for.


I want to punch the persons who wrote the science book in the face. 


I’ll be better after some tears and sleep.  Both do a body good along with a glass of wine.  Thanks for letting me whine.

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7 Responses to Who knew

  1. Jen says:

    Hugs to you. Let the tears flow and get some well deserved rest. Just be careful not to cry in your wine or the salt water will give you diarehea ;-}

  2. cathy says:

    I know that my ‘weepy’ moments happen most often at the end of a busy weekend, day, Fill in the blank- when I’m tired, my positiveness is drained. Cry, sleep, and recharge. As I am constantly telling my kids, ‘normal’ doesn’t truly exist and if it did-it would be boring anyways 🙂

  3. Ecki says:

    {{hugs}} Amy. Frustrating, this “not even normal for DS” crap. Blah. Put on the brave face and go into the world. I cry in the shower, it’s the only place I have any privacy.

  4. Melanie Bates says:

    I know about those tears and the shower tends to my place as well. It seems to wash the tears away so that I can blame it on the stream of water that hits my face when I come out with red eyes!!!! Wine sounds good I’m for the red sweet kind just add some cheese to that us show us that bright smile of yours!!! Well even if larkin can’t attend the father daughter dance you can always create your own, I know it’s not the same but it’s a great way to have your own special memory of their bond. If you decide to make your own dance at home I want to see some wonderful pics!!! Hugs from the Bates family. . . been thinking of you all lately!!!!

  5. Cynthia says:

    thinking of you….

  6. Rory says:

    I second Melanie. I know a photographer that will come take some photos for you. Larkin is a special angel there are only 2 kids that have changed me as a person for the better and Larkin is one of them.
    Hugs from us.

  7. mrs.chicken says:

    You will have the closest relationship imaginable. You already do. She is your beating heart.

    Hope you got that cry.

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